Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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