You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
