I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
