ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
