Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
