oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
