We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
