I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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