i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
