i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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