no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
