I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
