I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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