I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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