I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
