ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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