One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
