apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize