he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
