omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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