Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
