You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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