Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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