My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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