you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
