1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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