clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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