it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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