Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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