I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
