eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
