Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
