Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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