I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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