I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
