I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
