There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
