She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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