You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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