i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
