Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
