i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
