It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
