I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it because I queefed?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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