my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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