I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
