I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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