so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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