she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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