He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Someone signed my nipple.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
