I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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