worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
