She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
