this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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