There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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