quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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