to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
