so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
