I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
