i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
