Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
