I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you never un-have a 4some
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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