last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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