he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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