ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
