yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Shame - the story of my life.
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