so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
