Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
