i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
