yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
